Vintage Blog #1: I Sing The Body Electric (08/07/2007)

How does one love themselves? Is it possible? The unrealistic images, the pressure to do and be all, self-depreciation in the name of politeness seem to diminish us to a point of no return.
Ok, scratch that paragraph, it's emo and it sucks.
So I'm going to write something that some of you may have heard me speak of as of late, but certainly none of you would think I'd have the guts to publish it on the internet. Eeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkk, this is scary.......:breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth: Ok :whew: here I go:
(And to some of you out there, no, I am not getting on the train......)
I want to believe that I like, even love myself. I can appreciate my quirky sense of humor, my creativity, knowledge of crazy facts and details....I can even love my ability to empathize with people, my intuitive nature, and my fierce loyalty to those who have granted the same to me. Despite my obvious weaknesses, which shall not be discussed in the blog, I know that I am a wonderful, unique person worthy of love, attention, and praise.......
Or do I?
But truth be told, I cannot fully love myself based on my metal, emotional, and spiritual factors alone. And here comes the scary part.......
I have to love my body before any other part of myself.
What?!?!?! Isn't that vain, vapid, and a waste of time? Are you trying to objectify yourself in some sort of sick search for self-gratification?
No, no, and no.
My mind et al cannot survive without my body. My body creates, begets, IS life.
I'm sick of the guilt, I'm sick of the rules, I'm sick of the judgment not only imposed by others, but also by myself. I'm sick of punishing my body every time an unfounded snide comment is thrown my way. I'm sick of those vultures who circle you and criticize every morsel on your plate, even before you've brought it to your mouth. Health is one thing, hostage of food and self-hate is another.
So, instead :clears throat and blushes:
************************************************************
"A Love Song To MY Body"
Warmth flows over me. The dawn of acceptance bekons. I stretch langourously and I choose to feel. Feel, instead of look. When I do finally look, I see beauty. Beauty that calls forth to dispearse the ugliness and shame of this world. I refuse to hide. And I look again. The rounded belly I once despised has since grown a new life.  I have the power to generate and nuture life. I recall the movement of life within in me and my heart floods with joy. Joy not only for that life, but for my own life. For my own life is worthy.
Smooth skin of vanilla envelopes me, as a sea of blue-green eyes pierces through my lovely face to challenge all who would oppose me. Rubied lips speak messages of love and kindness, justice and revenge. Softly shaped ears are honed keen for messages carried on the wind. Sturdy legs and ample hips connect me to the source of unending power and wisdom. The wind rushes through my fiery hair as the warmth of the sun illuminates my womanhood in all its glory. Round, round, and round the lines of my body go, captivating all would would follow those spirals through my body to a place of neverending calm.  For though I am beautiful, mistake this not for meekness. Though beauty edifies and speaks words of love to a wounded heart, abuse it not. Anger aroused sweeps through like a terrible storm to those who would trifle with a woman and disavow her beauty. Beneath the gentle facade, a spine of steel awaits in judgement for those who doth betray beauty. Mercy is not swayed by feeble excuses for the abuses inflicted on the soul of my body. The fire of beauty's anger sweeps through and purges the inequities in its prescence, only leaving the gold that emboldens and the silver that soothes the troubled beauty.
And in that moment, purity is restored to my beauty, which I reclaim once again. I judge myself not. This force of electricity comes onto me suddenly, jolted by the recognition of other beautiful bodies and souls in solidarity. I feel not only my thoughts, but every sense, every nerve sings with the lumescent joy and I feel at home in the womanly body bestowed to me once again. I reacquaint myself with my features, seeing and feeling not fear or shame, but confidence and love.
I walk through the field beside the meandering stream with its rushing waters. The garments of judgement and shame obscure my features no more. I walk upright and tall, prideful in the knowledge and wisdom I have gained.
And I am electrified once more; I need not hide, I refuse to lock away the secrets of my womanhood to those who seek my comfort and joy. To all who ask of me, I shall reveal not only the glorious vision my beauty possesses, but bestow upon them the wonder and awe of themselves, the splendid person I see hiding behind the shadows whose aspersions were cast upon us all. Let us free ourselves from the chains that bind, and forgea place, a tir na og, where we share the beauty and joy we have found for the rest of our days.
************************************************************
So as I read over what I wrote, I stifle the urge to vilify myself once more. Instead, I proclaim this my brave new step into the life I choose to live.
:Shakes my luscious ass: