Vintage Blog #6: Thanksgiving Manifesto- Do's and Don'ts for your Holiday Meal (11/17/2007)

DO USE:
-Real Butter
-Real Sugar
-Real Cream
-Fresh vegetables and fruits
-Homemade baked goods using grandma's recipe to.the.fucking.letter. (no g-d substitutions on ANY ingredients!)
-Real.Fucking.Fresh.Bread.
-Appropriately paired alcoholic beverages with meal
-appropriately paired alcholic beverages as cooking ingredients
-Anything Fresh
-Aesthetically Pleasing
-Nice, visually appealing, and coherently designed table layout

DON'T USE:
-Fake @$$, nasty, nutrient deprived, preserved, canned, ANYTHING not limited to PIE Fillings and veggies
-Margarine, Equal, Splenda, Sweet and Lo or other chemically produced sugar "substitutes"
-Low Fat, Reduced Fat, No Fat anything, especially when it comes to DAIRY
-refuse to use even the mildest white or dessert wine, let alone any other alcoholic beverage in cooking and consuming because you're uneducated about wine and spirits and/or think that using them makes you a sinful and unhealthy person
-substitute rice for bread in stuffing. If I wanted soggy stuffing, I can think of plenty of greasy spoons to patronize on thanksgiving

IN SHORT:
Use real ingredients that are fresh and taste pleasing to the palate. Don't substitute chemical crap that destroys your neural pathways and self-righteously proclaim yourself to be "healthy". Enjoy your REAL food in moderation and save your leftovers and/or give them to someone who's not enjoying the holiday. Better yet, invite them over. Furthermore, don't let your insecurities regarding your lack of cooking skills detract from what is supposed to be a pleasant holiday meal. FINALLY, don't impose your disfunctional relationship with food on me. Mine is twisted enough, thank you very much. Food is not your enemy. You are your enemy.